“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”
“no, i said she was fucking goofy”
June 2013
why does sex have to result in babies why cant it result in pizza
“push, Helen! push!” she gives the last of her energy, and she hears it
the soft, tender sizzle of a freshly baked pizza
the doctor holds it up by the crust, carefully snipping off the little plastic table
“it’s a deep dish!”
what the hell is wrong with this website
We like pizza and not babies.
IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE
what if tattoos just randomly appeared on our skin at key points in our lives and we had to figure out what they meant for ourselves
I want a book
To all of my new followers.
Sorry I haven’t been able to message you all! It’s been a crazy few days, but..
NO BUT SERIOUSLY
WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THE QUETZALCOATLUS?!
I MEAN, JESUS F. CHRIST.
PTERODACTYLS AIN’T SHIT NEXT TO THESE MOTHER FUCKERS. QUETZALCOATLUS FUCKING ATE BABY DINOSAURS FOR BRUNCH.
LITTLE-FOOT, NOOOO!!!
JUST IMAGINE SOMETHING AS TALL AS A MOTHER FUCKING GIRAFFE
SOARING THROUGH THE SKIES AT 80 MILES PER HOUR, AND THEN SWOOPING DOWN AND FUCKING EATING YOUR FACE OFF.
FUCKING QUETZALCOATLUS
Oh my god.
